


you never walk alone

by flowerhyunjins



Category: EXO (Band), GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Highschool AU, M/M, Poor bby Jungkookie, Suicide, also asshole hoseok, asshole #3: park jimin, asshole seokjin, based on an irl event, considerate yoongi, im sorry, kinda homophobic tae?, namjoon makes everything worse, theres your trigger warning there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-20 21:24:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerhyunjins/pseuds/flowerhyunjins
Summary: jungkooks secret is exposed to the one person he wants to keep it away from, and the results are as expected.or, in which jungkook is outcasted by his own friends.





	1. Chapter 1

Jungkook doesn't understand. One day, it was all fine, but then the next thing he knows is that his world is falling apart.

What the hell could've happened over the course of 50 minutes?

~

Jungkook exits music class with Taehyung and Seokjin. He doesn't know what they've been talking about, since he hasn't uttered a single word to the both of them since the last two periods ended, but they didn't seem to be acknowledging him at all.

Especially Taehyung.

It hurt him a little, due to the fact he found Taehyung the slightest bit attractive. Not his looks, but his personality, and just the way he dealt with issues and problems. It was all so admirable.

Now, the problem with that was that their _whole_ group of friends knew _except_ for Taehyung himself. It was a relief to Jungkook, but they all used that information against him when they're trying to get something from him.

When they all rolled into the cafeteria and took their seats, Jungkook was on one half of the table with Jimin and Yoongi as Taehyung and Seokjin were discussing something 'vital' with Namjoon and Hoseok. Jungkook thought it was just like any other day. After all, Hoseok and Taehyung were particularly close to each other and often kept secrets to themselves from the rest of the group.

Jungkook hated himself for who he was and what he felt. Sometimes, he thought coming out as bisexual wasn't really what he felt, and that he just wanted to feel unique, but the rush of warmth and comfort he got when he saw Taehyung was enough to prove otherwise. But now, Jungkook doesn't really know what to feel when he sees Taehyung. Mostly, he's just confused. And afraid, really.

So, the table. Jungkook would usually throw in a few comments after overhearing what they were talking about ~~and then Taehyung would yell 'no one was talking to you!'~~ , but after overhearing the statement that Hoseok declared, he froze.

_"Yeah! Imagine how disgusted I was when I found out!"_

Hoseok never really accepted Jungkook for it. He chose to ignore it, really. Jungkook doesn't mind, as long as he didn't go around telling random people. So upon hearing this, Jungkook grew curious, and paranoid, because those were the exact words Hoseok used when he told him about it.

So he asked, "What are you talking about?"

To which Hoseok replied, "It's not what you're thinking of."

Hoseok was talking about his crush on Tae, and Jungkook knew that all too well. That gave Jungkook a little relief, but the way Hoseok said it just didn't seem to be so convincing...

Nonetheless, Jungkook ignored it and went back to his food. He glanced at Jimin, who was sitting across him, looking at the loud fuss that was happening right beside them, trying to figure out what the hell it was that disgusted them all so much.

Jungkook still chose to ignore it. After all, this happened quite often, and things always went back to normal the day after, so what was he worrying about so much?

~

"Jungkookie," Yugyeom, another friend of his, called out, "I need to talk to you."

"Huh? Why? What's going on?" Jungkook asked, curious.

"So Namjoon-hyung told me something yesterday." Yugyeom started. "Apparently Seokjin-hyung told Taehyung about your crush on him. Did you know that?"

The news, surprisingly, didn't faze him too much. Even though he knew he should be freaking out, he wasn't. He just stood there, staring at Yugyeom like he saw it coming, but had no words.

"Kookie?" Yugyeom softly asked.

"Yeah, I know. It's okay," Jungkook responded, "At least what happened yesterday makes so much sense now..."

"Yesterday? What happened yesterday?"

"Oh, I guess Namjoon-hyung didn't tell you," Jungkook mumbled. "They were talking about something 'disgusting' yesterday. I guess that was me."

Yugyeom shot him a look of pity. "I'm sorry Kook. It must be quite a shock."

Jungkook shook his head and gave Yugyeom a small smile. "Don't worry, Gyeom. I'm fine."

Jungkook walked away from him after that. Yugyeom never really paid attention to emotions, so by then, he was convinced that Jungkook was really okay. But was he really?

Honestly, Jungkook himself doesn't know how to answer that question. He isn't acting the way he's supposed to act. This was a big deal, since he was about to lose- no, he already lost the majority of his friends, but he's walking around the school hallways like it's just another normal goddamned day.

What the hell was wrong with him?

~

Their free period rolled in. This time, Jungkook gets to the cafeteria with Namjoon before the rest does. He has his math book with him since he forgot to do last nights homework, and was planning to do it today. He left the book on the table beside Namjoon's stuff and tried to stay invisible to see whether the rest would put their stuff down on the same table.

He stood a few metres away from the table. When the rest did come down, Taehyung attached to Hoseok, as always, they walked past the table without a second glance. Instead, they chose another table to sit at, obviously avoiding Jungkook.

Namjoon caught onto this quickly. He looked up at Jungkook questioningly, but only got a blank look in return. Namjoon grabbed his things and went to the other table, but not before insisting that Jungkook come with him. He refused, shaking his head and saying that it would be better if Jungkook didn't join him.

It was the start of a whole thunderstorm. From the table change, to going back upstairs to the classes alone, to Taehyung literally turning his back to Jungkook in classes where he was seated beside him, it was all just the beginning. Economy marked the point where everything started to go downhill.

In that class, seats would be changed every week, since they'd only have that class once a week. The point of that was so that students would make new friends that way, but Jungkook just absolutely dreaded it. Today, Jimin was behind him, and Seokjin was just two seats away from Jimin.

Economy was bullshit. All you needed to do was takes notes, do the occasional worksheets and tests, and you'd pass that class. So, Jungkook turned around to talk to Jimin. Jungkook began with asking if Jimin knew anything about what happened yesterday, and Jimin told Jungkook what he thought was going on.

"I talked to Tae yesterday," He said, "So yes, now he knows. He doesn't hate you, he just doesn't want to talk to you. Apparently Seokjin told him, but he knew it from the start. Remember that one Skype call you had with him and Hoseok? Hoseok asked if it was Tae you had a crush on, and when you denied it, Tae knew."

"If he knew from the start, why didn't he just avoid me from there?"

Jimin took a few seconds, before shrugging. Jungkook sighs disappointedly, but thanks Jimin for the information anyway. Jungkook glanced at Seokjin before turning back to his notes to see him staring at him and Jimin. Jungkook pretends as if he never saw him, and went back to what he was supposed to be doing.

Then lunch came. With the newfound knowledge that all his friends were now avoiding him, he snuck his laptop and earbuds downstairs in his hoodie. He quickly finishes his food, wanting to be away from sitting alone quickly, then quickly went to the bathroom. He locked himself in a stall, propped himself up on the toilet and used the head as a table. He set his laptop on it, plugged in his earbuds, then began listening to music as he read stories online.

He stays in there the whole period. He doesn't know how no one's noticed how long he's been in there for and that no one's reported anything to the teachers. He was glad for it though. He could do this for the rest of the year if he wasn't going to get caught. Next year, they'd be moving to a new building. His friend, Chanyeol, who was a year older than him, had moved there first. He could go hang out with Chanyeol and his friends when he got there. He was going to be okay.

~

No, not really.

He cried his eyes out the 4th night. He told Chanyeol about what happened two days ago, and the support the older boy gave him was very reassuring, especially with Yugyeom joining in. He thought he was going to be okay. He _thought_ he was going to be okay. He was going to be okay...? No, Jungkook. Stop lying to yourself. You're broken inside, and it's okay to be broken. You don't have to act strong all the time, because it's okay to not be okay sometimes. It's okay to cry out for help. It's okay to do that. but it's not okay for you to pretend to feel in a way which you don't feel.

Right now, Jungkook is not okay. He's not strong, because he cant live with himself. The information Jimin provided him with was completely different from the information Namjoon told him, but their information was different from what Hoseok told him. It's all so confusing, and he doesn't know who to trust anymore. So far, Yoongi has been the only one to lift him up the slightest bit. He's keeping Jungkook updated with what's happening. It isn't good. It's never good, apart from that one day where they _weren't_ talking shit about him.

He's on the floor of his bathroom with a tear streaked face and puffy eyes as Beautiful by Crush played on his phone. The tears have stopped a while ago, and now Jungkook is left with nothing. He doesn't feel anything. He's tired, and he's empty, and he doesn't give a flying fuck about anything in this world anymore.

"Beautiful day," He laughs, mocking the song, "Okay."

He grabs the sharp, metal instruments from the cabinet above the sink. All it takes is one, deep cut. Just one.

And he'll be free.

_Won't trust. Can't trust. Don't trust._

No. He was never going to do that. Not again.

_There's nothing to live for._

Jungkook looks at himself in the mirror. He looks like a mess. He is a mess. Not because of Taehyung, but because of all of them. He's so overwhelmed that he starts crying again. It's a drastic change from the emptiness he felt just minutes ago.

He's thinking of how happy he was just last week.

_Screaming songs from their favourite band in the hallways. Making plans to go see a movie this weekend. Meaningless conversations. Feeling loved and accepted._

Seokjin took that all away from him.

He couldn't help but think of him. He was the one who made all this happened.

Kim Seokjin. Jungkook hated him with every fibre in his body for taking what made Jungkook himself.

Jung Hoseok, for making things worse and calling him 'disgusting'.

Kim Namjoon, for being inconsiderate of his feelings and stating every other person who hated Jungkook for who he was.

Park Jimin, for being so selfish and telling him he's overreacting since this was all his fault.

Min Yoongi, for just being so fucking nice that he felt guilty.

And finally, Kim Taehyung, for hurting him so many times, but he was so in love with him to even notice that he was suffocating every second he spent with him.

_It's okay to let go, Kook..._

He sets the blade down, grabs a pen and a paper, and starts to write.

_By the time you find and read this letter, I will no longer be there. I don't want to leave this world without an explanation, because I cant bear to think of what my family would think._

_This is not for the people who I thought were my friends. If I didn't have a family along with Chanyeol-hyung and Yugyeomie, I'd kill myself without a note and never regret it. This is for my family. Not for you homophobic, ignorant assholes._

_Kim Seokjin. If this letter somehow ends up in your hands one day (and I hope it will), I want to tell you that you were a great friend, but you just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you? Maybe, if you hadn't taken everything away from me, you wouldn't be responsible for my death._

_Jung Hoseok. We're always arguing, however at the end of the day, we get along with each other. But this time, why did you have to lie to me?_

_Jiminie, thank you for cheering me up. Even if it isn't in the way I expected, thank you for making me smile in the weirdest, wildest ways._

_Yoongi-hyung...you've always been there for me since day 1. Thank you so much for believing in me, and seeing the best in me._

_Namjoon, you cared. Thank you, for showing me that._

_Yugyeomie, thank you for supporting me. We've been friends for as long as I can remember, and I want to apologize if I've ever hurt you in any way possible. I love you, Gyeomie~_

_Chanyeol-hyung, I have no words. You are amazing, and you've saved me so many times, I cannot thank you enough, but now, it is time to let me go. I hope you will live happily. It's what you deserve._

_And, finally, Kim Taehyung. It's okay if you hate me. I cannot change that, just like I cannot change the way I feel about you. So, if I stay out of your way, please stay out of mine too...please treat me the way I treat you. Please act as if I was never in your life. It hurts less than you hating me, but like I said, it is okay if you do. Just, please...stop hurting me._

_I don't think anyone will understand how I feel as I write this letter. People will read this and think that I was too lazy to find a solution, or I made a decision based on my emotions, but this is my goddamned life. If you think what I did was irrational, keep it to yourselves, and don't end up like me. Don't attack my family for it. They did nothing wrong._

_I will go now. My time has come. I hope to see you on the other side._

When Jungkook sets his work down, he picks up the blade and sinks it into his skin, inch by inch. He feels everything. He feels his skin splitting and the blood dripping down onto the sink but he feels nothing. He's a void. There's nothing left of the Jeon Jungkook everyone once knew.

Jeon Jungkook...

What was going to become of that name? What would people think when they heard that name? A smiling, happy guy with his 6 best friends, or a pale skinned boy with crimson red, metallic liquid dripping down his wrists in a constant stream onto his white bathroom?

White...

That was what he was going to see when this is all over. White.

Peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im thinking of a part 2, like how its going to turn out after jungkook is gone. what do you think?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a little harder than the first one since i had to predict how my old friends would react to my death. but this is pretty accurate i guess.
> 
> so, this aftermath may or may not have made the story worse, but i hope you guys will enjoy it anyway.
> 
> to the people who were hoping that taehyung secretly had feelings for jungkook but was too late to realize/confess, im sorry but that cant happen. the person who i portrayed as taehyung would rather die than do that, so im sorry. i wouldve made it that way if i could, though.
> 
> also, remember, suicide is not an option. you may be getting rid of the pain, but youre also passing it on to the people around you. so please, i know its hard, but please dont give up. there are people out there who you have yet to meet, and believe me, they will love you for who you are.

Jungkook was a void. He passed that on to the people around him after he died.

God Jungkook, why?

_I feel bad for them..._

_They all lost a friend they cared about._

_I can't imagine how they must be feeling._

Taehyung blocks all that out. All of that was just a bunch of bullshit. They didn't mean it. They didn't know how he felt.

But really, did he even know how he felt?

"I miss him," Jimin softly said.

Taehyung scoffed. "He's dead. We cant do anything about it."

Yoongi hasn't said anything all week. They understood that he needed some time to process and mourn the death of his friend since he's known Jungkook longer than any of them has.

But now, Yoongi stands up, roughly pushing his chair back and slamming his hands on the table. "How could you say that?! He meant a lot to all of us, and you know that! How could you fucking say that?!"

The thing is, Yoongi didn't curse much. It was quite a shock when they heard that word flow out of his lips. It felt like Yoongi was speaking a foreign language.

Taehyung looks up at Yoongi, trying his hardest to keep a straight face. "Jungkook meant nothing to me."

Yoongi silently chokes on his tears as they rolled down his face. "He was right. You really did hurt him. He begged you to stop, and you just kept going."

He stormed off after that. Taehyung doesn't regret a single word he said. He doesn't feel. He doesn't want to.

Yoongi was the only one who received a copy of Jungkook's letter. He was the only person that Jungkook's family had trusted, and they wanted him to share it with the rest of his friends. No one understood why or how he knew about how Jungkook was feeling, that why they thought Yoongi was just making it all up.

Until now, Yoongi hasn't done so. Except for Seokjin, actually. He had discovered its existence when the court brought it up as evidence, but Seokjin didn't dare ever talk about it.

Back to the initial topic, the piece of paper that contained Yoongi's best friend's last words lay untouched in a box on his desk back at home. He can't bring himself to even pick it up. It was just so painful as if one touch gave him a million paper cuts.

_It's okay Yoongi. You're still healing. Take your time._

The air was thick as silence fell back on the table. There was something missing...

At the head of the table, used to sit a happy young boy named Jeon Jungkook. He was radiant and full of optimism, but now, he was an endless pit of darkness which if you fell into, you cannot get out of.

Even saying his name is painful.

Like a normal human being, Seokjin felt guilt. He had indirectly killed their friend, all because of one stupid crush that didn't even matter in the first place. He didn't know it would go this far. He didn't know the police would show up at his door. He didn't know he was going to be attending court sessions. He didn't want this, but consequences are always unpredictable when they're man-made. He was lucky enough that the school wasn't going to expel him.

"Did you..." Seokjin started, "Did you really mean that?"

Taehyung stared at him without another word. He didn't know how to respond.

"Did Jungkook really mean nothing to you?" Seokjin pressed. "God fucking dammit Kim Taehyung! Answer me you bastard!"

"No!" Taehyung finally screamed back. "You have no idea how much he meant to me! He helped me when I needed it most! But I pushed him away and God, do you know how much I'd give to get that boy back? Do you know how much I hate myself for making him feel so alone when all along I knew that all he had was us? We were the only people keeping him alive, and we took that away from him."

Then, Taehyung pointed to where Jungkook used to sit. "I cared about him. I cared as much as any of you did. I cared about him, and that was why I didn't avoid him when I've had my suspicions for months."

_I didn't realize I was hurting him. I didn't realize how much pain I've made him go through. I wish I could've seen that and changed._

_But I didn't, and now he's gone._

~

Hoseok didn't feel guilty. He probably should, but right now, he's just annoyed. Why was everyone mourning? Jungkook died. Nothing's going to bring him back. They're just wasting their time. Right?

So he goes about his life as usual as his friends are stuck in the past. Why wasn't he like them? No, actually, scratch that. Why weren't _they_ like _him_?

Why couldn't they realize that there is no point in all of this? Mourning would get them nowhere.

When he voiced these thoughts to Taehyung, someone he thought would agree with him, the results were completely different. Taehyung began with leaving his messages on read. It then eventually progressed to Taehyung avoiding him at all costs, and then the whole group joined in.

At first, he didn't know what he'd done. He resolved with sitting alone at a table in the corner, his face constantly buried in a book to make it look like he wasn't even being a loner.

Soon, he ran out of books, and homework got less and less every day since the teachers were being considerate to those who were still getting over Jungkook's death. He sat there, blankly. He had a pen in his hand, and a blank piece of paper he thought he'd be writing or drawing, but nothing came out.

Then it hit him. This was how Jungkook felt.

He had made him feel so unloved and so unaccepted and so alone. This was how he felt. Sitting in that stall alone, every day, until he eventually hit the point where he couldn't take it anymore.

Hoseok headed to the bathroom where Jungkook once spent his last days in. Hoseok saw all the colourful post-it notes stuck onto the door of the stall Jungkook was always in, in contrast to the white theme the bathroom had.

White.

The colour of peace, yet Jungkook was a hurricane as he was surrounded with the complete opposite.

Hoseok read each one of the small pieces of papers. They were mostly people expressing how much they missed him or wishing him a better life "up there". All these people had cared about him. He saw Jungkook talking to them when they weren't there for him.

"Jungkookie, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I hope you're happier up there...Chanyeol-hyung and I miss you so much..."  
\- Yugyeomie

He killed Jungkook. In the process of all that, he had killed a part of all these people too. God, what had he done? It was so simple in his mind. He didn't think so many people would get hurt.

He enters the stall. He could already imagine Jungkook sitting there, laptop open and earbuds plugged in, listening to his favourite bands. His expression should be happy, but Hoseok could see nothing but a broken boy whose pain had been caused by him.

He reminds himself, _this is how Jungkook felt._

They were doing this so he'd realize just how much Jungkook was hurting. How could he have been so selfish? He didn't stop to think for a second that Jungkook may have been feeling some way. He only cared about himself. He didn't ever think for a second that people may have different views from him. He always argued back, trying to get the other person on his side.

He was just so fucking selfish. Why?

"What are you doing in there?" A voice asked.

Hoseok turned around and saw Jimin standing in the doorway. His posture slouched, unlike how he used to be. He was different. Very different.

"I just..." Hoseok's voice trailed off.

"Don't go in there," Jimin warned, "If it was Yoongi, or Tae, or Namjoon who caught you in here, they'd rip you to shreds by now."

Then without another word, Jimin left him. Hoseok called out for Jimin to stay, but the boy didn't spare him another glance as he left.

This is how Jungkook felt. He wanted them to stay, but they just left him like that. The feeling of isolation and helplessness that Hoseok was going through right now was that same feeling Jungkook had as he did this to him. _He_ did this to Jungkook. The thought of that occurred to him so many times but it still managed to hurt him every time he thought of it.

"I'm sorry Jungkookie," He whispered to the wind, in hopes that it would take his words to Jungkook somehow.

So, Hoseok continued to sit alone for the rest of the year. He didn't end up like Jungkook, for he swore to himself that he'd make it out alive for him, no matter how low he felt or how helpless.

Yoongi was never the same. He pretended to be, but inside, he was a mess. He never cried out for help because he was afraid he was irritating others.

Jimin, much like Yoongi, kept up a facade where he seemed to be fine, but he wasn't. He would never show that side of himself. He made a vow to never show his weaknesses to anybody.

Namjoon felt regret above anything else. He never realized how much his straightforwardness hurt Jungkook. He became reserved, thinking that if he got too close, he'd just end up hurting them like he hurt Jungkook.

Seokjin was just empty. He used to be lively, laughing and smiling, but he could barely crack a smile these days. The life in his eyes was gone. Those beautiful brown orbs used to be shining with happiness and positivity, but now it was just gone.

Taehyung practised self-love instead of aiming to please those around him. He was so busy focusing on making others feel okay he forgot about himself. Some days, he really feels like he's going to be okay, but then he'd take a look at his surroundings and he'd come to realize that he was just another murderer. Jungkook's murderer.

They all killed him.


End file.
